S5-Episode 6: Not Here to Judge You - bitesize episode

 

Monique Sokhan 00:00

 

One day when my mother and I went to the school of my sister just to pick her up. And while we were waiting the area was shelled, and a rocket hit the school nearby. Not my sister’s school, but another one. And it was that day when my mum decided that we had to leave Cambodia.

 

Melissa Fleming 00:26

 

I'm Melissa Fleming from the United Nations. Welcome to Awake at Night. Monique Sokhan, my colleague from the UN Refugee Agency, gave me the gift of telling me her story, a story that she'd never told anyone before. And that is her refugee story. Her own refugee story fleeing the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia when she was just a small child back in the 1970s. Have a listen in this bite-sized episode of Awake at Night.

 

Monique Sokhan 01:13

 

I had a memory of one person that was very close to me. He was a cousin. But he took care of me and my sister. And I still have always his face in my heart. I have chosen to talk about him because he was one of the first person I tried to find when I went back to Cambodia years later just to be told that he disappeared during the evacuation of Phnom Penh. And I don't know how he was killed. I know that he was killed. I don't know how he was killed. I don't know where his body lies. But I just have his smiley face in my memory. And that is I think, you know, something very precious to me.

 

Melissa Fleming 02:09

 

How old were you at that time?

 

Monique Sokhan 02:10

 

I was six.

 

Melissa Fleming 02:11

 

And he was?

 

Monique Sokhan 02:12

 

I think he was maybe 15 years old. From time to time, you would hear the shelling because of the conflict coming very close to Phnom Penh. So, while I was a child, you know, I didn't understand what was happening. You know, I was still a free young girl running around having lots of fun, friends, etc. And I didn't realize what was happening. Even until one day when my mother and I went to the school of my sister just to pick her up. And while we were waiting the area was shelled. And a rocket hit the school nearby. Not my sister’s school, but another one. And my mother took me hiding behind a big tree. And I heard lots of screams. Everybody screaming around. And I was just asking my mother, you know, ‘What is happening? Where is my sister Valerie?’ And we waited, we waited until we finally found her. And it was that day when my mum decided that we had to leave Cambodia. My father didn't want to leave. But my mum is a very strong woman, you know. And she basically decided that for the family it was better. And she told my dad that if he didn't want to leave, she would go with the children. So eventually, my dad agreed. And the problem was that at the time it was difficult to leave Cambodia. My mother had a cousin who was the spouse of a high-ranking official. And she was able to get from her two passports and two exit visas.

 

Melissa Fleming 04:22

 

Only two?

 

Monique Sokhan 04:23

 

Only two. So, a decision had to be made as to who would leave first. And they decided that I would leave with my dad because I was the youngest one. And because I was, you know, the naughty one, screaming.

 

Melissa Fleming 04:44

 

How old were you?

 

Monique Sokhan 04:47

 

And basically…

 

Melissa Fleming 04:48

 

You were six?

 

Monique Sokhan 04:49

 

I was six, you know. So, my sister is four years older. She was ten at the time but more quiet and so…

 

Melissa Fleming 04:58

 

So, they thought if there was a threat, they could actually tell her to be quiet…

 

Monique Sokhan 05:02

 

Exactly. Easier with a more quiet child, basically. So, I left with my dad. I didn't know where we were going. And he just told me, ‘Well, you know, we're going on holidays. France.’ I don't know what country it was. I've never been, but I was excited about it.

 

Melissa Fleming 05:19

 

A vacation.

 

Monique Sokhan 05:21

 

As a young, young girl… And, you know, I was very, very close to my dad. So it was, you know, easy to just go with him. Until I realized when I arrived in France, that it would take much longer for my sister and my mum to join us. And so, for the first month in Paris my dad had to take care of me. And we basically ended up in a small hotel in Saint-Germain in Paris. I still remember this room. A small room. And while he was trying to find a job, I stayed alone in the hotel room.  

 

Melissa Fleming 06:10

 

That must have been terrifying.

 

Monique Sokhan 06:15

 

Yes. I think it's the loneliness that you feel when you are young. And even though he explained to me, ‘Don’t worry. I’ll come back’. You're there waiting until he comes back. And you don't know whether he would come back. He bought me a teddy bear. I still have it with me. So, I think it was something that, you know, helped me somehow. And then afterwards, he asked his friends - a French family - to take care of me. So, he basically left me with that family. They had a little girl. And she's one of my best friends now. And so, I stayed with them. But every night, I was waiting for him to come back. Because I was among foreigners. I didn't know anyone. I didn't know the language. I didn't understand what they were talking about. I didn't like the food. Cambodian food is special, you know, and French food is different. And so, it's a bit difficult to adjust. They tried to put me in school. And I remember crying. The other children were also crying, but they had their mum with them. They had their parents. I didn't have anyone. So, it was a bit difficult.

 

Melissa Fleming 07:44

 

But you went into the school?

 

Monique Sokhan 07:46

 

Yes. But I was crying and screaming. And they had to take me out of it. Because I was impossible basically. So then, you know, I stayed in that big house of this French family. And just remained until my mother and my sister came six months later. I was so happy about it. I didn't hope anymore that they would come. And my mum had to fight for being able to leave the country.

 

Melissa Fleming 08:23

 

Can you remember the day they arrived? And how you felt and what you did.

 

Monique Sokhan 08:27

 

I just remember going to the airport and seeing them coming out. And just, you know, screaming of joy. And yeah, it was very special. I can't explain this, you know. It's very emotional. And as a kid, especially you have, you know, not only your mum, but also your sister with whom you used to play. And so, it was a big relief when I saw both of them.

 

Melissa Fleming 09:07

 

Did you have any sense during the time they were away that they might be in danger?

 

Monique Sokhan 09:13

 

You know, when you're six, not much. You just feel that you're missing someone. One of my happiest moments in life was when they came.

 

Melissa Fleming 09:22

 

Where was your dad at that point?

 

Monique Sokhan 09:25

 

My dad was there as well. He eventually found a job as a clerk. He couldn't of course teach again. And this was one of the regrets of his life. Of course, not to being able to continue. But he knew that, you know, we were undergoing a very difficult moment. And that was already good to have a job, to be able to care for your family. At the time, when the Khmer Rouge took over, we eventually got our refugee status. So, life was becoming better. So, we were able to find a small, very small apartment in Paris.

 

Melissa Fleming 10:05

 

Did it affect you that your parents were no longer doing the professions that they loved?

 

Monique Sokhan 10:11

 

Well, I didn't know much about that because I was young. But it must have felt very difficult, very strange to be in a different country without the extended family around. Without knowing what happened to them in Cambodia. I think that was the worst part of it. Not knowing. I can't remember when exactly, but one day they got finally some news from Cambodia. And they learned that their brothers and sisters didn't survive. And you know, when you're a child, when you see your parents crying, it’s hard.

 

Melissa Fleming 11:22

 

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Monique Sokhan 11:27

 

It’s hard.

 

Melissa Fleming 11:30

 

They are the people who are supposed to be the strong ones, right?

 

Monique Sokhan 11:35

 

Yes. But they had to move on because they have kids. They tried to make life as best as possible for us. Always encouraging us to learn our lessons, to be good at school. So, I also concentrated on that and became good at school. At first, you know, I didn't speak a word of French. Catching up very quickly. You know, as a child, you learn very quick, very fast, so.... And I liked studying at school, so… And I wanted my parents to be proud of me. So, one day, we received a wonderful news. It was in 1979. The Vietnamese took over. We received the news that my aunt - my mother's elder sister, because she lost her younger sister during the war - had survived with seven of her kids in a refugee camp in Thailand. We did everything possible to bring them to France. She was a widow. She lost her husband, my uncle, to the Khmer Rouge. He was a [inaudible]. He was executed by the Khmer Rouge. Yeah…

 

Melissa Fleming 13:22

 

So, your relatives started appearing but, of course, the majority of them had not survived, but…

 

Monique Sokhan 13:31

 

Many did not survive.

 

Melissa Fleming 13:39

 

You found out, though, how they were killed?

 

Monique Sokhan 13:42

 

For some of them, yes. Of hunger, of forced labour, of execution. And all Cambodian families have been affected by the genocide, by the war, by the Khmer Rouge regime. So, I'm not the only one in that situation. And I have to say that I'm in the lucky position to have been able to survive, to have been able to flee. Whereas others did not manage. And to tell you frankly, sometimes, it's also difficult because you're wondering why others have died and you’re alive, what made the difference.

 

Melissa Fleming 14:57

 

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